I’ve been coming back to this concept of late (it’s a big one for me). Rattled back to it, really, as I have a habit of losing my footing when things get messy, when things get scary. I spoke with some friends about it at dinner last week, two wines deep, knowing that it’s all fine and well to be calm and happy when I’m eating pastries in Denmark, but what about when real-life comes crashing in. When I’m working two jobs, trying to wrap my head around a third and the pile of readings I have ahead for my PhD, the million creative projects I have my heart set on and still trying and manage a walk or some yoga a few times a week. When washing my hair feels like a chore there’s no way I have the emotional capacity to try for a date.
When things I am working towards get complicated, when I’ve spent three years saving and one year planning to buy a house and along comes a Royal Commission and things change. It gets harder. You can follow the rules, do everything right and still miss out, that shouldn’t surprise me. I’ve known this in relationships, with my work, and now trying to buy feels like it’s just out of reach. Once again, close but not enough.
And really, bigger than the exhaustion and overwhelm is the fact that all of these things are fine. When it comes down to it, life is wonderful and lovely and I am grateful always, just unsettled when it starts to unravel a bit. I know how good I have it, but sometimes it gets you down, and I think that’s probably fine. So EQUANIMITY, balance amongst it all is what I’m trying for. Not buying into the drama and the stress, not worrying too much about what I can’t do, just making the decisions in front of me and trusting that it’ll all come out in the wash.